Lord, help me

for I am falling fast,

(hold on-is it plain coincidence that as I write this, he walks by? weird.)

This mission might just fail.

No. It won't. It can't.

Can it?

No. Wait-

What if I was just upset and discouraged at the time I made this commitment?

What if this isn't really what God wanted from me?

What if it is?

How do I decipher?

LORD, help me.

p.s. blogging every day isn't gonna work for me. you probably already figured that out though.

Day #13-19

Welp. I'm a busy lady, its true.

I have school every day,

I have 3 babysitting jobs now,

and I have two sets of friends.

While I've got all that going on, I still have not completely lost track of my desire to have "a man" but to be quite honest, I don't think I ever will. Its a natural impulse, we were made for relationship, and in this day and age, we've been taught that the tangible relationships are the most fulfilling.

That, in a nutshell, is what I'm trying to break away from. I know its not going to happen over night, and obviously not in 19 days, and maybe I will never be fully broken of it, but if through this, I can gain a greater understanding on my relationship with God, I will be set for life.

Day #8-12

This project is going to be good.

I don't have time for a boyfriend.

I don't have time to blog every day.

Between friends from home, friends from school, school and church.. I can't hndle anything else.

Maybe next year, boys.

Day #6 & #7

Nothing eventful happened the past few days, but I have come to the conclusion that I can't see myself with any of the hotties I have seen around, so thats good.

And about half of them have girlfriends, so that should stop me from pursuing anything.

Thanks for all your support and prayers.

Day #5

Well in recent news.. there are a million hotties all over the place.. and one in particular just became single.

guuuh!

Don't worry, I'm staying strong! But I'm going to the water polo game in about an hour.... ohhh hold up! I'm eavesdropping right now on a conversation and it appears that more than one in particular are newly single.. dang.

ONE YEAR!

Day #4

Day #4 was also a bit trying, because I was in the presence of a few boys who appeared to be God centered and verrrrry attractive. And I even had to remove myself from a certain situation that I would have otherwise enjoyed being in.

Its obvious that my focus strays elsewhere at times, and thats what this project is fixing. Its only day #4, I'm sure as the year goes on, I will be able to get my focus in the right place. All these interactions are only helping me, whether I believe it or not.

I realize that if I do meet someone during this time, I will have to hold off and focus on being just friends with him. If he is interested too, I need to make sure that he can hold off as well. When that situation arises, I'll probably shy away, but eventually let him know the deal. I put a ring on my left ring finger to symbolize that I am off the market. I'm doing all that I can to have it written all over my face that I am currently unavailable.

Day #3

Day #3 started off a little rocky because I was in the presence of somebody I've been attracted to for while. Luckily there were tons of other people there and I was able to distract myself and focus more on them than him.

I think its the first time I realized that this isn't going to be easy. I've wanted to text a few people lately, but I can't because I know that I am attracted to them, and that I want more than friendship. I can't pursue that! AH!.

362 days to go.